Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
