I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
