the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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