Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
