Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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