Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
