I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
