im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
