Only a mothe r could love this liver
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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