Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
