Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
