you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
