I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
