U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
