apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
