If i come over, it means nothing
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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