So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
