He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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