Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
