eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
