This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
