their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
