im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
