so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
When are your genitals available?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize