i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
