i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
