I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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