just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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