Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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