sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
