Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
