I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
