He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This is classic penis vs brain.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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