I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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