Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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