I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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