How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
