I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
