Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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