If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
