if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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