he wants to bone in the snuggie
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
