can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
