I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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