Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
