life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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