Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize