I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
