My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize