I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
