Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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