While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
