you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have aggressive nipples.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
