As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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