may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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