I showed him my bush... on skype.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
