I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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