you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize