I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
