I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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