So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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