I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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