I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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