This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
