Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
