the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
