I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
They took my balls.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
