Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
