It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
