Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hippo gnu deer
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
