Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
