why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
