my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There was a lot of him and a little penis
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
