ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She's the barista slut.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
