I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize