Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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