spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize