Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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