Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
