can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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