I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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