my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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