That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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