Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
That reminds me...we need to get swords
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
