Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was not drunk enough for that final.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
