My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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