Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
