ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you inspire me to be a worse person
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
