that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
