y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
