thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
