My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize