She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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