just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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