Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize