my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
jump out the window naked night went bad
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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