Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
