I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
