My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize