Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize