my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize