You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
