he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We are two peas in an std pod
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
