he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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