i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
