I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
