Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
